coffee stains

Lately, my life has been a blur of a multitude of tasks at work. I'm kept partly sane by a 100 peso worth White Mocha Americano. Call me a caffeine junkie but there's nothing like warm coffee to soothe me and jolt me awake. If there's something else tangible in my life that keeps me from going over the edge, it's a person that I've relied on for emotional support. Unlike the potent coffee I crave for, this person will not give me heart trouble or disrupt my sleep. Or so I thought... Today, I am resisting the urge to take in my usual dose of caffeine for health and financial reasons. At the same time, I'm struggling to exist without him as he has chosen to desert me at a time that I'm needing clarity. Sleep has temporarily left me while he, perhaps, has chosen to answer my questions by allowing me to unravel the obvious on my own. I realized that coffee will never leave me. I have chosen to rid my system of it. I, in turn, have been neglected by this person I...

Do not feel pity. Do not show mercy. Just break me once... Hurt me with one blow. You only get one shot at Ripping my heart out and Trampling on it. When all this is done, You've done your part and Have proven your point. Let me be and Let me heal.

For the past 4-5 months, I've been battling with myself. Trying to put reason behind the seemingly endless cycle of indecipherable emotional affairs. I've gotten so bogged down that the simplest thing that gives me bliss is doubtful, every chance I get, every gesture, no matter how sincere it could possibly be, seem too good to be true. Call me paranoid but it just hurts to think that after all this time, I’m still easily exploited… I’m not really asking for much. I just want confirmation. I can't afford to have false hopes. I don't need to harbor wrong expectations. At the back of my head, I'm thinking...I don't want to be wrong again...Too much energy will be spent decoding stuff when my life is already complicated as it is. I just don’t want to be fixated on the thought of being made whole by something that, for all I know, only exists in my over-active imagination. But on the brighter side, I can only be a buffoon for so long. When I reach my threshold and d...

Why don't you just let him go, April? A friend of mine asked me. Stop hurting yourself. Don't make the same mistakes that I did. I looked at her in disbelief. It was as if she were just asking me to cut down on caffeine or choose between tall or grande. I could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't kidding... Thoughts raced frantically in my head. Let go? Now? How? I could not imagine life without him. Damn! I am not exactly addicted to him like the coffee I gripped firmly in my hand. How do I get over someone who makes me in the main happy yet causes me emotional torment every once in a while? Call me paranoid but there’s no denying that he’s not the same. Why else would I miss him despite his presence? I have this gut feeling that I am this close to being just a speck in his universe. Nevertheless, I’m still aching for a sign that would tell me not to give up just yet. The feeling of uncertainty is driving me insane. I recklessly revealed my feelings without ge...

If there's one thing that I wish I could do right now, it would be to turn back time. I can only flinch at the thought that things are now completely different between us. I see him several times a week, get to spend time with him yet he seems distant in a way. We laugh, have our usual conversations, walk alongside the other yet, despite his nearness, I'm missing him terribly and inside, I feel like I have lost a huge part of what I was. I guess if you've been hurt before, you simply can't help but put your guard up--denial your primary defense mechanism. Fate might already be handing you that chance to be happy but you just fuck it up with your pride and the nonsensical need to save face. All this would seem rational at that moment but would be utter bull once you realize what you’ve just thrown away. Where do I stand in his life? What am I for him? Questions that lead to more questions. I could ask but it wouldn’t make sense anymore. He would probably laugh at my foo...

Love is a game that I carelessly take part in. Despite past injuries, I remain a player. I've faltered yet I've been unyielding. I've embraced it as a part of my existence. Loving fills part of the void in my soul, being loved back completes me. Uncertainties can break me. insensitivity can tear me to shreds. While those supposedly make me stronger, it is never easy to appear unaffected and to pull back when you have given a little bit too much of yourself.

If there's anything I hate about myself right this moment, it's the fact that I have not completely learned my lesson. It has been drilled down to my head--supposedly--that I should never expect to avoid disappointments. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT EXPECT anything until a possibility has been confirmed or better yet affirmed as the real deal. It is only wise to hold back when faced with uncertainty. In my case, I have already taken too many steps towards the edge of the cliff, ergo, the need to pull back. The excitement and all the drama make it hard for me to move away. There are stories with predictable endings. I'm hanging on the edge and I'm losing my grip...

I listened to his heavy breathing on the other end of my hands-free receiver. Sigh! A few more minutes before the line got disconnected and he had drifted off to slumber. It hurt to think that he would sometimes cry himself to sleep. He has always been there for me through my ups and downs. I would often gather my strength from him and I’ve always admired him for his courage and valued his opinions. Listening to him cry and talk about his life’s struggles tore my heart to shreds. He’s such a good person, and whatever life he led, people had no right to judge him and he most certainly deserves to be happy. It was not his choice, he said. I think he deserves more respect than some people—individuals that our deranged society considers normal. As I tried to grope for words of comfort to mutter, tears welled up in my eyes. I wish I could take away his pain…I wish I could make all his problems disappear yet It dawned on me that I couldn't. I can only try to ...

Somebody asked me before whether I would chase after the person I love or go with the one who loves me, both being one-way. My answer back then was NEITHER. I don't have the heart to lie about my feelings and I have enough self esteem so I don't intend to chase after someone who clearly doesn't need me in his life. If you would ask me again, I would choose the person who loves me. I am no martyr but I also don't have a heart of stone to not appreciate the simplest effort and small things someone would do just to make me happy. It feels wonderful to be loved and it's not always impossible to learn to love that person back in the long run. What more if he was constantly there to comfort you while you were depressed over that other guy who doesn't even deserve you... Should this be the case,just enjoy the company, don't expect nor demand too much. At this point, the possibilities are endless.

What is it that endears a person to you? Could it be the kind gestures, the close encounters or maybe the things that you have in common that could play with your thoughts and toy with your emotions, making you wonder--could the feeling be mutual? Out of nowhere, anything he does or say to you could possibly mean something, conversations are dissected, you try to read between the lines. Oh Well, most realizations will not be pleasant...it could hit you like a blow to your face. Today, it just dawned on me that such false hopes are bred by your desperate longing to be loved back, that it clouds your mind, probably making you see things the way you want to see them. The answers to your unending questions could be right there before your eyes but you're just too blind to see.

NOUN 1. type of drink: a highly alcoholic liqueur tasting of aniseed and made from wormwood and herbs. Absinthe is now banned in many countries because of its toxicity. Love is like absinthe, strong, intoxicating and potentially dangerous to one's health. Shouldn't love be banned? It's easy for one to say that he would never fall in love again but once faced with another chance at love, can't keep away from it. The cons may overweigh the pros but still, isn't love all about taking risks and making sacrifices? These may be risks and sacrifices that won't necessarily help you end up together. Risks may involve losing someone's trust, destroying your friendship, depression and sacrifices would mean, being someone's scratching post, doing everything to make another person happy, losing sleep to spend time with that other person...sigh! The list goes on. But in the end, we just smile foolishly to ourselves and the hope lives on.

I agree a hundred percent that when you fall in love, you fall hard that you can almost hear the sickening thud when this happens and the feeling just creeps up on you when you least expect it. Wether or not you willfully embrace the thought, in the end, you just give in to the fact that little by little, this other person is slowly becoming a part of you. There is no question why every word he says, every thing he does affects me. I can only be at ease when I know he's there. It doesn't even matter if he feels the same way. As long as I have him near I feel complete. As long as I know he cherishes me in some way, I feel alive.

NOW let's discuss something reminiscent of our adolescence for a change. Hahaha... They say that actions speak louder than words. If you don't have the guts to say what's on your mind to someone you like or feel like you're not yet ready to blurt out your true feelings in the open, how do you show a guy/girl how you feel? Anyone you're crushing on at the moment? Please feel free to post your answers, comments, violent reactions...Pls don't forget to put in your nickname at the end of your post.

It's amazing how a woman can be easily misled once a guy has her under his spell. He can make you feel like the most beautiful woman on the face of the planet and can make your head spin at the thought that every sweet gesture he makes, he makes only for you. It's not entirely the guy's fault as a woman on cloud 9 would willingly walk into the captor's lure. It is just unfortunate that baits that will get you hooked in this lifetime won't always be meant for you.

I have finally laid eyes on the most gorgeous couch I've ever seen... As Wayne Campbell would mutter in the flick Wayne's world, I just had to say to myself that "It will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine..." As I looked at the furniture shop display, it was like a glossy page ripped out of House Beautiful . It was perfect! My heart beat almost painfully in my chest as I inched closer. I bent over to turn over the tag attached to check how much it would cost me to own my dream couch. My heart sank when instead of seeing the price, it read SOLD . I've already imagined how it would look against my living room's off-white wall, how the pillows would look just casually tossed on it... Come to think of it, this is like the guys I meet and fall for. Beautiful creatures that would spice up your life but they would never really belong to you. Women often complain that the good ones are either taken, married or gay. Maybe we just have the psychological te...

Most of the time I feel content with singlehood. I have better things to worry about, I have my brother's pre-med tuition, credit card bills, sky-high cellphone bill and my team's high absenteeism (hah! This one's almost fixed!) to worry about. I shouldn't have time for this! But the loneliness just manages to sneak up on me. Like a huge fanged mouth ready to eat me alive. There will be moments when you'd want to hold someone's hand and you'd just be reaching out, and find yourself groping at the chilly air.