coffee stains

“It’s all about taking risks! You can't have your guard up all the time!" Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I’ve been told. I’ve played this game before, you know. So don’t think I don’t get the point. I get it, alright but something or someone always gets in the way. Why would I go on a suicide mission armed only with uncertainty and possibly one-sided affection for him. Bottom line is, I have opened windows and collapsed walls surrounding me. I scuttled to the door to open it but he wasn’t the one standing there. See? Bummer, huh? A girl appreciates being put on a pedestal but it’s no fun just being up there with nothing but the air for company. Oh well, on to the next chapter...

Remember your first heartbreak? That sappy, love-sick song you heard on the radio was telling the truth. You would wonder why the world hasn't stopped revolving, how everything around you was still the same when you feel like absolute crap. Pathetic, i know, but that's the bitter reality.You swore to yourself that you would know better next time but do we ever really learn? You could have your guard up all the time and vow to only let it down when you are positively sure about this person but more often than not, history does repeat itself and you could end up right where you started. It's the choices that we make that change but the situations are mostly the same. It took me more than a year to get over the fact that he's never coming back. He will always be my friend, he is just an e-mail or phone call away but he is living in his own world now (miles away!) so get over it. I did...but it sure wasn't a cakewalk.

Grappled by the intensity of your smile,elated by your entrance and proximity. Reality dawns and my heart sinks,drowning me in the memory of your empty gaze. Am I not the biggest fool of all? Pretending…wishing silently.Ravaged by the blatant truth...ignorance could be sheer bliss...lies my only escape.