coffee stains

Wouldn’t it be great if we had a switch built-in so that we could turn off all of our emotions until we are certain that it’s safe to feel something? No more sense of hope when you meet someone interesting or simply breath-taking. No overwhelming excitement when there seems to be even an infinitesimal probability--a minute spark. Not a chance will you anticipate the other’s next move--perhaps too predictable yet vague after the seemingly consistent encounters. No more simulated expectations. Wouldn’t it just be grand if we didn’t need to go through emotional torment? But then how else could we feel alive when love seems to hurl us into a sedated realm. After previous mishaps, only pain lets you know that your heart has not yet turned to stone.

I do not want this chain to break. The very chain that heaved me up consistently, higher by the day, out of the murky puddle of woe that I was stuck in. Ironic how a chain could emancipate me yet bind me in its spell all at once. It did not take long for the masochist that used to stare back at me in the mirror to no longer have a hold on me. I did not even realize right away that I have taken a new path.   I am free.