coffee stains

Wide-eyed, I sit in a room with two people yet I feel completely alone. I feel like a fool staring into the darkness. I waited for hours eventually drifting off with a mixture of exhaustion and anticipation. I awake only to swallow the bitter pill. The air reeks of alcohol and somehow i hope that I'm the one who is intoxicated at this moment...numb to any type of emotion or any physical feeling. There are times when the most minute thing could make you ponder on your worth to another.

Have you ever had that nagging feeling about someone that you just could not shake off? Guilt-stricken, you tried to rid your system of the negativity, attempted desperately to latch on to reason and keep your mind off the ghastly possibilities . What triggers your ruthless mind to play such images in your brain? Could it be from past exploits? Is it from seeing what appear to be subtle hints with no clarification or from pondering on the key players in the current setup that cause such thoughts to tease that disturbed head of yours? Little things...key players... are you just seriously paranoid or are these actually signals? Proceed with caution. As they say, when there's smoke there's fire.

There's a pang of jealousy that threatens to eliminate all reason at this moment. The sting is unlike anything I have dealt with in the past. It is a somewhat uncomfortable change. How does one compare to the person that your significant other used to be madly in-love with? The truth is, you simply don't. She will be, more often than not, the one that got away. Expect the occasional phantom jab in the rib or a brief yank at your heartstrings until the dust settles and everything becomes clear.

There's a shadow looming over me. To think it's not even my own, it takes the same path as mine and mimics some of my moves. Its presence causes a heavy feeling of dread and anxiety in my chest. I feel a wave of insecurity wash over me and a discomforting hint of distrust. The feeling is fleeting yet, whatever it is, it turns out that my fear stems from the realization that the shadow is not upon me but i could possibly be dwelling in it.

For the last several chapters of my life, I've talked mostly about love unrequited, fear of taking risks and my sado-masochistic tendencies with the affairs of the heart. In this present chapter of my existence, i have turned over a new leaf. Not only did I take a huge risk, I have made a giant leap beyond my boundaries in my quest to discover myself and find mirth. Currently, with no holds barred, I went through the initial stages of attraction, gained new friendships and rediscovered a repressed persona that has been in a coma for as long as i could remember. How will this chapter unravel? I suppose it's up to the key players to play their parts well. We can only sit back and allow the story to unfold. And the plot thickens...