coffee stains

Lately, my life has been a blur of a multitude of tasks at work. I'm kept partly sane by a 100 peso worth White Mocha Americano. Call me a caffeine junkie but there's nothing like warm coffee to soothe me and jolt me awake. If there's something else tangible in my life that keeps me from going over the edge, it's a person that I've relied on for emotional support. Unlike the potent coffee I crave for, this person will not give me heart trouble or disrupt my sleep. Or so I thought... Today, I am resisting the urge to take in my usual dose of caffeine for health and financial reasons. At the same time, I'm struggling to exist without him as he has chosen to desert me at a time that I'm needing clarity. Sleep has temporarily left me while he, perhaps, has chosen to answer my questions by allowing me to unravel the obvious on my own. I realized that coffee will never leave me. I have chosen to rid my system of it. I, in turn, have been neglected by this person I...

Do not feel pity. Do not show mercy. Just break me once... Hurt me with one blow. You only get one shot at Ripping my heart out and Trampling on it. When all this is done, You've done your part and Have proven your point. Let me be and Let me heal.

For the past 4-5 months, I've been battling with myself. Trying to put reason behind the seemingly endless cycle of indecipherable emotional affairs. I've gotten so bogged down that the simplest thing that gives me bliss is doubtful, every chance I get, every gesture, no matter how sincere it could possibly be, seem too good to be true. Call me paranoid but it just hurts to think that after all this time, I’m still easily exploited… I’m not really asking for much. I just want confirmation. I can't afford to have false hopes. I don't need to harbor wrong expectations. At the back of my head, I'm thinking...I don't want to be wrong again...Too much energy will be spent decoding stuff when my life is already complicated as it is. I just don’t want to be fixated on the thought of being made whole by something that, for all I know, only exists in my over-active imagination. But on the brighter side, I can only be a buffoon for so long. When I reach my threshold and d...